:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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