So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Randomize
