I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
