I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
