So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
