He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Are we still banned from the library?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
