Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
