He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
