So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
