she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
