Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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