sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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