ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
