he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
