I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
