Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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