once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
