Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
