I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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