Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
