swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
