How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
