For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I wish you could order shots online.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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