we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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