Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
