Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
