and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
