I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
