There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
