we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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