I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
