if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
