I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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