Well apparently he's into motor boating.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
