U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
