she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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