Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
