He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
