Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
