alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
