GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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