so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
