$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
