Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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