I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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