I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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