First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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