Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
