Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
