Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
