literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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