he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
