white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
