I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
